My Definition of Love

what is love?

according to google, "Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment."

someone told me,

not so long time ago.

love is a natural feeling of human. 

we couldn't resist that feeling but we can control.

I realized I was thinking of you, 

and I began to wonder how long you'd been on my mind.

then it occurred to me:

since I met you, you've never left.

I choose you,

over and over and over. 

without pause,

without a doubt,

in a heartbeat.

I'll keep choosing you.

I want you.

all of you.

your flaws.

your mistakes.

your imperfections.

I want you and only you.

meeting you was fate,

becoming your friend was a choice,

but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

if I could give you one thing in life,

I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes,

only then would you realize how special you are to me.

I will wait for you because honestly

I don't want anyone else.

one day I caught myself smiling for no reason,

then I realized I was thinking of you

P/S : The date of this title is 3 years ago because I have no idea on what to write back then. I just came up with a title but nothing went out from the ideas factory so yeah, if you wonder, that's why.

The new chapter.

This is the story of yesterday. I had no plan back then. usually after subuh prayer, I just sleep until 9am then wake up to do some routine like wash dirty laundry, feed the cats, make breakfast for my beloved niece and nephew. here they are:

and a lot more sweat producing activity. 

however, I decided to do something different, so I ride my bro-in-law's motorbike and I went to the seashore. to my delight, the scenery was one breathtaking beauty. people say, chances never come twice or whatever the quote is. but I would say, this is my time!

I quickly grabbed my camera before the sun is taller than a bamboo stick. these are the photos taken:

I wonder what this is. a lookout tower, maybe.

i fell head over heels with the fishermen's village

rocky beach

she sells seashells by the seashore

the barnacles

 I also made some  new adorable friends:

Belang, this is my bro-in-law's house cat, but we're getting closer to each other

Kontot was an aggressive cat when I approached him but... look at that cute paw

Siti was a shy-shy cat

Kelabu was laughing so hard when I told him some cat puns. he kept saying "that never gets old!" 

Melati was so excited when I told her  that she  has potential to become a model

hasta la vista chicos!( idk what this even means)

JUICE!

24/2 :i started my 1st day in the new company. i learned a lot. my leader, friend, buddy, master, taught me about 'breaking the ice'

normally, we people set a wall between us and people around us. that wall makes us feeling awkward to start a conversation with someone new. however, i pushed my limit because i know that i can do this. in the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take.

it's already my 5th day with new colleague. i am so happy to be with them. they taught me a lot of meaningful knowledge. stuff that maybe i can't get anywhere else. honestly i'm glad to know all of them. they're so amazing. every time i spend my day with them, i never feel left behind. there's always something new i gain. they pull me up when i feel down and keep reminding me when i forget especially about my goal. what am i doing, why am i here. 

rewinding from my 1st day at the field. as for today, aiman and bella exposed me to the field environment. how they approach  people, how they greet people, make a lot of new friends and top of all, how they maintain their great attitude. aiman, bella, ira, alol, afiq, hafiz bla.. blaa.. blaaa.. too many names, i don't think i remember all names, so i can't mention all of them here. i never see the sign of boring in their faces when teaching me. they are very energetic from as early as 7 am until 7 pm. not a single sign of tiredness. i admire their excitement.

how they spread happiness and excitement from their face expression. i was infected by their 'happy go lucky' syndrome. they smile every time. from morning to dusk. oh! and today i learned the 1st and 2nd communication skill; introduce and short story. that's how we break the ice.

my 2nd day was so exciting. i started taking order from customers. the end of day result were not so great, but at least, hey! i had fun with my buddies. i learned a lot from them. thanks aiman and bella. you guys are the best! you got the new me, the hell out of my old self. today i learned how to do presentation. it help build up my self-confidence a lot.

3rd day is the delivery day. nothing much for today. i just improved my self confidence but my momentum was very low at the afternoon. i don't know why maybe the reason is, i just relied too much on bella and aiman that turned my self esteem down. i was so angry with myself today because i didn't achieve my personal goal and wani's goal for me. so the summary of today is, 'I SUCKJUICE!'. the good thing is, i learned some sizzling lines to help my presentation be tastier.

to prove my comeback, i did my best on the 4th day. i met as many people i can to rebuild my self-confidence that were collapsed on the previous day. i didn't think too much. all i did was just doing my best to achieve my goal. to make it simple, what i learned for today is, how to close an order. this is the critical part that decide, whether or not my potential customer buy the product. this is where i have to identify the buying signal. the best thing that happened today is, wani treat us, fellow LAISA for dinner in secret recipe. yayyeahhhh!

on 27th february, i was working half day. today, hafiz is our instructor. from the very first time i met him, he got the talent to make people laugh. that doesn't mean that i'm a gay. i don't know why, just by opening his mouth could make me laugh. so today, i learned some important words and phrases. aiman taught me about impulse. there are five ways to creat impulse. fear of lose, sense of urgency, greed, indifferent and jones' theory. dude! it's already my 5th day! wait for it! i have to answer a quiz.

juice by me! it's my last training day. thanks to my buddy for today, idris. he helped me a lot. i guess i feel better today. i met so many people because i believe with the law of average. idris taught me about closing and buddy system. if i'm not mistaken, there are three ways to close which is, assume, qualifying question, multiple close. we LAISA attended the pre management discussion and were exposed to the company background.

nasihat mak abah.

dulu masa sekolah rendah, bangun pagi tak fikir masalah. mintak mak duit belanja pehtu pegi sekolah fikir nak jumpa kawan2. pegi sekolah nak main pepsi cola, lawan pemadam, main nombor, main huruf banyak lagi ah. takde pun fikir mana nak cari duit bayar tu bayar ni. nak bayar hutang. takde. masa tu cuma fikir nak enjoy. tak siap homework takde hal. setakat kena sebat 2-3 kali tu makanan. kena diri atas kerusi apa lah sangat. jalan itik tu pedih la sikit. kalau tak puas sembang waktu pagi, petang jumpa lagi kat sekolah agama.

time upsr lagi best. petang ada extra class. malam jumpa lagi kat tuisyen. masuk boarding school, tiap2 hari jumpa muka yg sama. kawan2 hostel dah macam family. bosan tengok muka orang yg sama. tapi kenangan kat hostel mmg best. agak rugi orang yang tak pernah tinggal hostel. bukan nak kata sekolah harian tak bagus tapi kat hostel banyak pengalaman kau timba secara berdikari. kat situ kau belajar jadi traveller. belajar hidup.

masuk alam uni, lagi mencabar dugaan kau terima. masa tu baru paham maksud dunia penuh pancaroba. but wait for it, tu belum sampai alam kerja lagi. kat uni saja macam2 pengaruh akan cuba tarik kau. dari situ hidup sebagai orang dewasa bermula.

bila dah kerja, kau mula terjebak dengan dunia sebenar. masa ni kau kenal sapa kawan, sapa lawan. musuh dalam selimut paling bahaya. depan kau pijak semut tengok kiri kanan. nak bunuh lalat pun takut. tapi dalam diam, dia sibuk asah pisau, tunggu masa je nak tikam dari belakang.

fasa dewasa ni baru faham kenapa dulu abah cakap macam tu. kenapa mak banyak membebel. baru rasa peritnya kehidupan. susah payah cari rezeki. bayangkan, abah sorang kena fikir gaji dia bulan ni nak hulur kat sapa. hutang rumah lain. hutang kereta lain. anak belajar kat hostel lain. anak belajar kat uni lagi satu hal. priority diorang pada anak2, lepas tu baru belanja diri sendiri. so tak patut la kalau kita nak berkira sangat dengan mak abah. sangat2 tak patut. diorang banyak susah untuk kita. why not kita bersusah payah untuk gembirakan hari tua diorang.

konklusinya, fikirlah hidup ni satu perjalanan panjang. kita hidup untuk bekalan hidup yang abadi. kalau hidup sekadar nak enjoy tak ingat akhirat, lebih baik mati. tapi sapa aku nak cakap macam tu. hebatnya kuasa Allah. dia mampu ubah hati setiap orang yang dia nak. belum tentu hari ni kau rajin beribadat mati nanti masuk syurga. tak mustahil kalau sekarang kau kaki clubbing, arak, dadah dan macam2 laa benda jahat, kau akan masuk syurga. 

hidup kat dunia ni kerja kita cuma nak cari duit banyak2. tapi dalam sibuk fikir cari duit, akhirat jangan tinggal.

and life goes on

nyai dah takde. 2 hari lepas around 1 pm nyai hembuskan nafas yg terakhir but i wasn't there. hmmm sedih sebenarnya sebab aku takde kat kg masa nyai pergi. nak kata rapat tak rapat sgt tapi aku tinggal dgn nyai since i was 4, kalau tak silap. masa kecik2 aku slalu tggal jauh drpd mak abah. kejap tinggal dengan nyai belah mak. kejap tinggal dgn nyai belah abah. so aku dah biasa hidup sorang2. kat situ aku blaja hidup berdikari. tapi kalau aku ada masa hari kejadian mesti aku lagi sedih.

sebenarnya org yg paling rasa kehilangan ialah mak. nyai is her mak. kalau mak takde pun for sure aku sedih. tapi aku tengok mak lek je mcm takde isu. mak mmg kuat. she's the coolest mom in the world. mungkin dia sembunyikan hiba dlm hati. just like me. perangai aku bnyk ikut mak so aku paham mak mmg sorokkan kesedihan. deep inside she's crying out loud. i know her very well. and i guess this oso remind me of someone i love. forget it. tetibe hilang mood nak tulis arghhhh

oh for those yang tak tahu nyai tu apa. that's what we call our nenek as jawa people.

what goes around comes around.

orang selalu cakap, dunia ni ibarat roda. sekejap kau kat bawah, sekejap kau naik atas. ada masa kau buat orang, sampai masa kau kena balik. as simple as that. sebab tu orang2 tua pesan, buat baik berpada pada, buat jahat jangan sekali. awie pun pernah pesan dalam lagu hukum karma. buat baik berpada pada kata orang tua, buat jahat jangan sekali engkau takkan rugi. malas nak ulang2 point yg sama.

that is why, kena selalu ingat. dunia sentiasa memerhati gerak laku kita. buat silap sikit, tunggu je la orang pulang balik paku buah keras. masa tu baru nak ingat apa kita pernah buat kat orang. masa tu baru nak menyesal. baru nak ingat sejadah. bagus la kalau dah menyesal. harap belajar drpd silap. jgn rasa diri tu bagus sangat. setiap kali rasa mcm tu, ingat balik ada org lain yg lagi bagus drpd kita.

tapi sebenarnya, kesilapan yg ajar kita kenal dunia. kalau tak pernah silap sampai bila kita takkan belajar. berapa ramai yg asalnya kaki pukul, kaki botol, geng2 rock tapi skrg jadi alim. berdakwah untuk masyarakat. sebab hidayah tu milik Allah. tak mustahil orang yg nmpk alim masa hidup tapi mati dalam keadaan kufur. peh mintak jauhhh. na'uzubillah min zaalik.

jangan suka hina orang sebab masa silam dia. kita tak tau masa depan kita mcm mana. kita tak tau pengakhiran kita mcm mana. dia mungkin lagi bnyk amalan drpd kita. dia mungkin nmpk jahat tapi hati org kita tak tau.

konklusi aku masih terawang awang. tak tau nak tutup mcm mana. sorry.